Today is my 10th wedding anniversary.  Wow, so much has happened in the last 10 years.  But it has all been made bearable with the help of my best friend who is always there to support and love me.  In recent years we have watched countless marriages fall apart around us and that has caused us to really reflect on why our marriage works so well.

I am not going to say I'm an expert on marriage and I'm not judging those that have divorced (I was a child of divorce myself).  I just wanted to share my thoughts on how to keep the love alive.  

Here are my thoughts on how to have a successful marriage.  Most of these we had to learn the hard way.

1. Always put your spouse first.  This one is hard for parents to do.  As we start having children our marriage gets lost in the raising of our kids.  We hold hand less, go on less dates, get caught up in daily duties rather than making time for each other.  If we do not find our way back and put our spouse first, we lose sight of why we were so in love with this person in the first place.  We lose ourselves trying to be the perfect parents.  Make a plan to have a weekly date night.  Sit together on the couch while you watch a movie with the kids.  Kiss each other goodbye when you leave for work.  These are things that are necessary to keep the love alive and also a great way to teach your kids what a healthy relationship looks like.

2. Communicate:  I cannot stress this one enough!!  Talk about your day, the good and the bad. If the finances are in trouble talk about it together instead of trying to handle it alone, if the kids are on your nerves, ask your spouse for help.  Express your feelings even if they are going to make you sound selfish or mean. Holding your feelings in will only make you bitter.  Talk about every big decision together, never assume you know what your partner wants.  Always ask their opinion and try to follow it most of the time.

3. Women Dress Up: This might sound silly, but think about it.  He sees you in your sweatpants, yoga pants and jeans all the time.  Sometimes we think since the chase is over its OK to wear what is comfortable.  Sure, the chase is over, but we still need to throw in some surprises from time to time.  Wear a dress to go shopping on the weekend, or dress up for a movie date.  Trust me, he will notice and appreciate the effort you put into looking nice.  This also goes for boring pjs.  You know those fuzzy socks, pants that are 2 sizes too big and the men's tshirt that you wear to bed, try to leave them in the drawer.  Even if its once a week, try to wear something not so frumpy to bed.

4. Notice the little things: Did your spouse fill your car up with gas, help you with the dishes,etc.  Did you spouse dress up for dinner, wear a new shirt, make the date night plans without being reminded.  Lets be real here, some of the rules of parenting also work great when it comes to your spouse.  Positive reinforcement is an amazing tool to show others you appreciate them.

5. Men are not mind readers:  I guess this rule is just for the ladies.  This was a hard learned lesson for me.  I was always expecting my hubby to know exactly what I wanted.  I expected him to know that he should send flowers on my birthday, make dinner reservations on our anniversary, and take the kids outside while I finish supper. I expected him to know when I need alone time and when I needed him to be by my side encouraging me.  Of course none of these things happened, not because he didn't care, but because plan and simple, men cannot read minds!  Men are genetically hardwired to hunt for food, protect their families, and populate the earth.  Women are hardwired to nurture their young and take care of the men that protect them.  We can learn to think in other ways, but it is not natural so try to respect that and have patience.

6. Love them more each day:  The love should not die after time together, it should grow stronger as you conquer things together.  Your bond should grow stronger as you get older.  If this is not the case, take some time to reflect on your marriage.  Maybe its time to write down all the reasons you love your spouse.  Keep it in a safe place and add a new reason each time you remember it is there.